downswingish

Probably the worst day with my feelings with her since the contact was broken off. Now I'm wondering if it was so smart to have done that. I just want to get back with her, or if I just knew that we would be back together later.

I have an exam tomorrow that I've hardly studied for, but I just can't care right now. I miss her too much.

I wish I could go back to last year....

I'm going to try to travel and have some fun over winter break (going to Montreat for a week, woot, and hopefully Wilmington a little..) and hopefully being away from campus will help my mind. On the other hand I can't help but imagine her being with Eric, getting closer to him, starting to fall for him, realizing he's not a rebound....

..and then I'll be fucked for a long time.

I really want to reestablish contact after winter break, whether I'm better or not. I think I will be better, but I just want to be able for her to at least think it even if I am not. Maybe go for a Lenoir dinner when we get back sometime before classes start, then maybe just a long nice talk.

If/when I ever get back with her again, however long from now it is (month, several months, a year, later), it'll have to happen on these terms
- me showing I'm happy/confident/strong
- having a really good conversation with her. showing that we really do connect.
- not trying too hard and making her want me that way.


but what if she never stops being with eric?




fuck