:|

haven't updated in awhile.

talked to her for about 30 min last night after the PCM thing. that was weird and it felt good at the time.

she kissed him. already. drunk, but still.

she still loves me, somehow. doesn't have romantic feelings right now but somehow still loves me.

hasn't gotten rid of anything, yet. says she had to take off the necklace, though made a point to say she didn't cut it off.

she kissed him...

says she has some feelings for him and that she can see herself with him and not me right now, but can't predict anything. doesn't want to be with anybody, but she can see herself with him.

when i asked if she had missed me she said she missed talking to me and that she wanted to but couldn't because she knew i was hurt.

she kissed him.

he fucking stole her away from me. she said she had kept talking to him after the initial time he had feelings for her, and that's how he weaseled his way in. by making her think he had innocent intentions. bull shit. i tried to explain it in a nice way but i don't know if she bought it.

she's probably with him right now.

she tried to act nice at first. i know she feels bad. but i don't want her to feel bad because i feel bad. i want her to miss me. i want her to want me. i want her to, if she ends up doing it, be with him but only think about me when she is. i want it to not feel right for her.

i don't know where my next direction is from here exactly. i think i'm going to try to hang out with her after awhile and try to be friends. basically do what that eric faggot did, except hopefully it won't take as long.

i did tell her though i don't know if we could be friends. no matter what a part of me will always see her as my girl.

i did tell her too that it was the worst two weeks of my life. and that i had tried to act like i wasn't hurting, but she said she knew i had been.

if she still cares for me like she says she does, she won't get with him or go further with him anytime soon. that would fucking rape my soul i think.

i was doing better last night and most of today.

fucking night time.