coming back

Just when I get unworried about Eric, now I'm paranoid again. I know she left back for Chapel Hill around 11 and by now she hadn't signed on. I also know she had in an away msg last night "directions for tomorrow", and I didn't know what that'd be for....and then I randomly looked at her FB and it showed she was on it but not on AIM, meaning she was probably at someone else's place looking at her FB. This is me being paranoid but I just bet she went back to Raleigh/Chapel Hill with Eric and is at his place right now hanging out with him. Ugh. And she's probably going to some party tonight, so that's why she'd need directions, and I'm assuming he'll be there too, putting his greasy lips all over her. God damn it.

I don't think that even if I talk to her or not she'll ever find herself seeing with me again anytime soon. She's gonna keep seeing herself with Eric until she is with him, and even if we do have more good conversation she'll just see it as friendly and be like "oh cool I'm over him now", not "oh maybe I was wrong and there is a connection b/t us". Meanwhile she'll go off and fuck Eric and not think twice about how it's killing me.

She doesn't really even care about me. I mean she doesn't want me to be hurt. But she doesn't CARE care about me. Otherwise she wouldn't have kissed him already, drunk or not, and she's probably planning on kissing him again. Nothing I can do about it either. God damn it.