one day more

Today has to be the last day.

I can't keep moping over this shit one more day.

Logically, it will not work. She will not come back. I will not heal, she will not heal.

I can't feel terrible about this for a month, contact her and then act happy. She'll be able to see through me if I haven't genuinely gotten better.

If I contact her any time soon, she won't miss me either.

I don't know when I will exactly or how much I'll talk to her but it won't be until I've improved a pretty good amount from where I am now. I don't think I'll be able to completely get over her in a VERY VERY long time, so I'm not expecting that at all. But I've gotta get better.

Tomorrow I have two tests. I will study for them alot today, hopefully without thinking too much about her.


I just have to bide my time. Don't take this as giving up. I sure as hell am not. And I hate I have to "slow-play" this breakup, so to speak, by just biding my time. It will probably seem like forever.

I will say this. I will be very surprised if I haven't at least had a conversation with her by the end of November. Not long, nothing heavy, maybe just online, but something.

I also need to keep myself busy on the weekends. Those are by far the worst, I'm discovering. I need to take initiative in calling people, in setting things up a couple of days in advance. I have to get out and have fun....I'm sure she's trying to do the same. I may not get over her but it'll take boredom away, and when I'm bored is when I'm most thinking of her.

Either way....today has to be the last day I feel sorry for myself and depressed over her. From now on it's pure determination and all those positive attributes and shit.