progress

Not sure what it is, but I'm feeling better today.

Maybe my last post and my "deadline" had something to do with it. All I know is, besides a kind of shitty morning, I'm doing better.

I had two tests today, which sucked, but I think I did alright on them. But I don't really care to talk about those.

Maybe it was a realization that I'm not really feeling threatened by Eric, and that after awhile I can get her back.

I was thinking about the friend zone and I realized that he very well could be in it. Her "feelings" for him I'm pretty sure just surfaced last weekend when she was at her most vulnerable. So maybe he made a temporary shift out of it that was based on circumstance. Maybe he still is temporarily out of it, but I have a feeling that her feelings for him have subsided. Even though I know she saw him this past weekend with Circle K people, I just....duno. I don't feel as threatened by him right now. That could turn back around on me, but meh.

I have this theory about him, which I will call the "Ericfag Friend Zone Theorum", because of a number of things.
- I believe her and Michele that he was not the reason we started breaking up. When I asked her on Thursday if she wanted anybody else she said no. Monday, she said she had "some feelings" for him. Either way, I don't believe that's why we started breaking up, because...
- He had feelings for her for awhile, and she knew, but things had been good/great even during the period for us
- Circle K seems to be a breeding ground for the friend zone. Every other guy there acts, well, I hate to say gay but.....I think even Lauren would tell you that.
- He sounds like an emotional loser. He let some ex-girlfriend of his string him along for 9 freaking months while he waited on her. Now I love Lauren with all of my heart, but I would not (and will not if it comes to it) wait that long for her, and I could/will be able to tell if she's just leading me on, especially after 9 months. Good God man.
- I can't imagine her getting over me that quickly, even though it appears that she is online...but that is just online.


On a different note,

I hate to say it but after seeing pictures of her this past weekend I almost wished she didn't look so damn happy in them. I mean, she won't come back to me because she feels bad, but I feel like I'm not being missed. And maybe I'm not. I just hope that she'll start missing me soon. I mean, she could still be missing me now and I don't know it. But maybe she needs more time and once she gets everything else in order she'll really miss me. I hope.

At some point I am going to make a move, though. I won't wait for her to make the first move so to speak. I'll give her some damn time and space but I hope that in a month or so I can ask her on a date, or at least just to dinner at Lenoir or coffee to talk about stuff.


I'm not gonna give up on this. Probably never will. But I know I have to wait. Damn.